Tag: relationship issues

Relationships the good and the bad!

relationship issues

When it comes to relationships, we have all experienced the good and the bad at some point in our lives. Some of us seem to attract the wrong type like a moth to a flame.

I have had a rush of clients the past 6 months all with severe emotionally draining relationships, wives and husbands fighting over trivial issues. When people nitpick at the little things, it’s really covering up larger issues. After all, nitpicking over trivial matters, emotionally, is a lot easier for people to deal with than the bigger, underlying issues. The most common “big issue” I see in my practice is a lack of trust, which is mainly due to the baggage we each bring to relationships. This is mainly because our baggage affects how we relate to others, which blocks us from opening up ourselves in relationships.

For example, I had a client (Susan—name altered to ensure anonymity), who was married for 3 years. As far as she knew, everything was going along fine with her husband.  They just had a baby boy who was 9 months old and had some health issues, so it was putting a little bit of stress on their relationship. Even with all the stress, she still thought her relationship was fine. That all changed when her husband suddenly hit her with divorce papers and walked out of her and her son life with no explanation. After speaking with her, she told me her husband’s parents were overprotective and never taught him how to do anything: cook, clean, take care of himself, what she considered to be normal life functions that her parents taught here from a very young age, so when he did things wrong according to her she had to teach him the correct way to function and relearn things according to her ways. Part of that was belittling him and a lot of screaming for what she felt was his lack of effort to do things the right way.

As we went deeper into her childhood, many issues came out to explain her behavior. Her mother would berate the children daily for every wrong thing they did and most other things right or wrong. According to Susan her mother was building character in them. Everyday things from showers, to clothing, the way they ate, their posture were all subjected to her ridicule and verbal abuse. Needless to say the mother was overbearing and controlling, her father was distant, drank a lot and did not show the children any love.

After speaking with Susan for 3 weeks she had come to realize she turned into her mother and was treating her husband the same way she was treated as a child. For 3 years, she verbally abused and manipulated her husband all based on how she was raised as a child.

This is but one example of how our past and childhood experiences shape our relationships, good or bad!

 

I am working on finishing my new book on relationships, It will be the definitive guide to relationships for all.

What the right Guidance will do for self esteem

This is a facebook post from someone I have worked with about her relationships and issues

 

I don’t really brag about myself or anything like that a lot…. But I want to put this into perspective for some people…. My entire life I’ve been self conscious about myself…. My weight my looks the list goes on…. I have always been afraid to put myself out there to either try and make friends or just about anything else…. Half of you on my friends list I have met through other people….. I’m a person terrified of doing something wrong…. But that’s not me anymore…. Anyway the point to this post is to inform everyone of my transformation…. A lot of my closer friends know I have bad anxiety these days…. And yes it sucks….. But I’m working with it… Also I have been getting compliments on how great I look and honestly I haven’t really gotten comments like that…. People who know me know I haven’t been the skinniest and I have been a smidge overweight for my body type…. I should exercise yes but I just never do…. But since everything in my life has been happening in such a blur I have dropped weight like no tomorrow…. But honestly the weight that I have dropped has made me feel really good about myself… I feel more confident as my weight was a huge part of my issue…. But I will have everyone know that I used to be a size 11 jeans and since April of this year I have dropped enough weight to fit back into my favorite size 7 jeans!…. Also I really want to thank a lot of people who have been helping me through a super tough time… Also rekindled friendships with Aleah and also my amazingly supportive boyfriend Chris thank you guys for being here for me… And my newly acquired big brother type Chris I have no clue what I would do without you guys in my life!!! I also want to give the biggest thanks to my mom Candice and her fiance Aaron you both are awesome and have been a couple of my biggest supporters….. I love you ALL so much and thank you for helping me through this difficult time I have been in…also a special thank you to John OConnor for helping guide me to see my self worth… I’m sorry this post is so long but I want everyone to know that I’m making it through my tough time in need and I have amazing people who love me and care…. And I’m glad to have them in my life as I achieve more happiness and reach my life goals! I love you guys and thank you for being here for me!

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